


Voices

by Forever_Marie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Multi, Muteness, Polyamory, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed, Shy Han Jisung | Han, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Sweet Hwang Hyunjin, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:35:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25526785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Marie/pseuds/Forever_Marie
Summary: Hyunjin was in an accident. Chan will always be by his side. And Jisung will always stick around. What else could be asked for? (I promise it is better to read, I just suck at summaries)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 73





	1. Prologue- Awkward Silence

Hyunjin had been discharged less than thirty minutes before he had a panic attack. It took until Chan buckled him into the car, drove to and parked at a pharmacy, and him rushing into the place to fill Hyunjins’ prescriptions for Hyunjins’ intrusive thoughts to invade his mind.

As fate would have it, Chan reappeared before it became worse.

“They said it would be a few minutes,” Chan began. His sights falling on Hyunjin’s shaking form.

He reached over placing his hands over Hyunjins’. This grounded him successfully.

He pulled Hyunjin into a side hug,” Hey, remember what I said. We will get through this. I don’t leave anyone behind and I`m not going to start now. “

Hyunjin managed to pull a small smile.

“Relax, take a nap. We’ll be home soon enough. Then you can rest better”

Hyunjin dozed besides Chan relaxing for the first time in a long while.

Chan smiled at the sleeping form.

Then he frowned.

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Hyunjin had been in a bad accident. One that had given him a broken leg and a broken wrist. They would heal and clean breaks at that. The lacerations and bruises were not likely to scar at least not where anyone could see. These didn’t worry him.

It had been two weeks since then and Hyunjin had one injury that puzzled everyone.

He had not spoken once since the incident.

The doctors had not been able to pinpoint yet whether it was selective or elective or a mix. His vocal cords were not injured and neither was his throat. The minor bruising he had had there was already yellowing.

What was Chan going to do? JYP could only hold out so long, and the fans, and the other members. What was he going to say?

He shuddered. He loved Hyunjin far more than he should and let show. He would never let him down.

He’ll take care of him.

No matter what.


	2. Chapter 1- My Pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenges and uneasy one side conversations.

Chapter 1- My Pace

He awoke with a start. How did he get here again? It was a struggle to open his eyes in this panic.

“Oh, you’re awake. Take a breath then try again slowly,” A voice called out.

He listened and slowly came to meet Han’s anxious gaze. Why was Han in front of him? His last memory was with Chan.

“You’re in Chan’s bed. He needed to do some work. He didn’t want to leave you but I said I would watch over you.” Han explained, reaching over to grasp Hyunjins’ unbroken hand,” I was worried about you. We all were.”

Hyunjin could only stare. He opted for a hand squeeze instead.

“Ah, you can type still with your left right? I`ll go get your phone. I`ll be back.”

He watched Han leave. His thoughts were a jumbled mess.

Was it the medicine he had been given? He wasn’t sure.

Why couldn’t he talk again?

He could remember hands grabbing at his throat, tightening their grip and the world going black with a loud screech.

Snippets of doctors and Chan and white walls. At least now everything wasn’t bright.

He could hear his group members shuffling around outside.

It hurt to think.

He didn’t want to.

He especially didn’t want to have the conversation that Chan wanted to have once he was more settled.

How does one even begin with how he tried to run away and leave everyone? That was about all he remembered clearly before waking up in the hospital.

The door opened and Han returned with what looked like food and his phone.

“Felix made lunch, you haven’t eaten since yesterday so please don’t fight me”, Han said in a melancholy tone.

Hyunjin froze. Fuck. He knew about that, huh.

“Jinnie, it’ll be ok,” Han said.

He had moved and sat on the bed before Hyunjin had even noticed and was stroking his hand.

Just how out of it was he?

“I…” Han started”, just want you to get better. I`m sorry, I didn’t notice before. I`m the only other one besides Chan that knows, if that helps.”

It didn’t but what choice did he have?

He knew what he had been doing was wrong but the pressure, oh the pressure.

The pressure hurt.

That pretty face had to stay pretty right?

By any means necessary.

He was startled by an object being placed in his good hand.

Good hand, now huh? He really needed to stop spacing out.

Han was looking at him expectantly.

He shook his head ok in agreement.

Defeat.

How else could he be free of his demons?

Han sighed and gave a small smile.

“Thanks, I called Chan and told him you’re awake. He’ll be back soon.

Han helped him eat in silence. The dread filling up Hyunjin was astronomical.

They spent the silence of waiting on Chan, watching videos or at least started that way. They ended up snuggling as best as Han could without disturbing the casts adorning Hyunjins' body.

Soft whispers pulled Hyunjin out of slumber. He could hear Chan talking to Han. He must have just arrived back.

“Thanks, Sungie. Are you gonna stay in here? I don’t mind”

“I`ll ask Changbin.”

The door closed signaling his departure. A weight settled beside him.

“Jinnie, are you awake?”

Might as well get it over with.

Hyunjin reached out and tapped Chan’s’ hand.

Chan took his hand and squeezed, turning to look at him.

“You don’t have to be scared of me, ya know. I`m not going to force you to talk. I need you to promise me you’ll trust me. I just want you to be safe and well. I hope that you’ll tell me one day why you tried to run off and the rest but that will be at your own pace. Same with your injuries. Just let me take care of you and we’ll get though this together. Ok”

That did it. Tears cascaded down his face. Chan leaned down and embraced him.

“Hey, now. It’s ok, we’ll figure it out.”

Calmness took him. Chan let go but continued to hold his hand.

Hyunjin pulled away regretfully and tried not to look at Chan’s crestfallen face. He reached for his phone and typed out his question.

_What about the company?_

“Ah, well. I need to tell everyone but you`ll be the first to know. We are on hiatus until we’re all in a better mindset and place. Don’t give me that look. I was in talks trying to get that for us all since he…that tragedy months ago. We all need some help after that. Han’s been worse and hasn’t left his room unless forced. You got hurt. The others…I. damn it. It’s mandatory either way. A few of us will be getting more individual help.

Hyunjin sighed. How could he argue?

“Do you feel up to moving? I can carry you; it is kind of hard to maneuver that chair in the bedrooms. Might as well tell everyone now.”

He shook his head.

“You don’t want to see your friends or not right now?

Sensing hesitation he continued, “They’ve missed you”.

Hyunjin reached out and Chan gave a smile.

“Thanks”

They managed to maneuver their way into the main room where he was placed on their couch.

“Ok, wait here while I get the others.”

The eye roll was suppressed.

Slowly, the other members began to gather. Each one hugged him as they came in before taking up spots in the room. Hyunjin noticed a lot from this.

Chan had been right when he was implying everyone needed some help. Han looked on edge and nervous and he had never been that way with his team. He took up residence next to Hyunjin. His agitation was coming off in waves.

Felix had bandages on his arm. Oh no. He took up the space next to Han.

IN was in the corner with a face of clear agitation and murder resting there.

Seungmin was not that far off either.

Minho somehow looked scarier than he usually did.

Changbin was quiet and sullen.

Hyunjin was how he was and Chan looked like he hadn’t slept in years. Which wasn’t too far off from normal for Chan but it was never this visible.

How’d they all end up like this?

“Well, now that we are all here, I need to tell you guys something.” Chan began explaining.

Surprisingly, there was little opposition to this. The guilty faces telling an unheard story. They would get through this they all promised together at their pace.

“Ah, what do we do now?” Felix started,” Oh, we could order something and watch a movie together.”

Bless this boy.

Everyone agreed. In this shared trauma this was truly the best step to do.

Hyunjin worried as Han snuggled next to him with Chan on the floor by his feet.

What happened while I was gone? Was it like this before and he just never noticed?

The uneasy afternoon bled away to night with 8 quiets boys in its clutches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I`m not a doctor or in any entertainment business so it is all made up on that part. I`m glad few liked that short disaster of a prologue. Here is a disaster first chapter.


	3. Chapter 2- Phobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has fears but by letting it control you, you end up signaling your demise with your own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I marked this story as Hyunchan but Hyunsung said not today, bitch. And now it is polyamory because they demanded it.

Chapter 2- Phobia

Hyunjin awoke a few hours later to Han sobbing next to him. He had not seen Han crying his badly since winning that time with Miroh.

The only other ones besides Han around him were Chan and Felix. They were speaking feverishly in English.

Hyunjin sat up as best he could. The talking stopped.

“Are you ok, Jinnie”, Chan asked, turning to look at him.

Hyunjin stared at Chan pointing to Han.

“Hannie is upset that he cannot skip tomorrow's session. Felix as well.”, Chan explained. His tired expression straining on him.

Hyunjin pulled Han to his side to try and show comfort.

Felix, across the way, rubbed his bandaged arm.

“Stop fighting me you two. You know perfectly well why us four have to go on one on one sessions instead of a group like the others.”

The defeat in Chan’s voice did not go unnoticed.

“Hannie, don’t use Jinnie as an excuse. He has to go too.” Felix said. “Besides one of you will be helping him anyway. You should Chan.

“Stop avoiding me, Felix. Why don’t you stop using Jinnie as an excuse?”

Felix turned red and rapid-fire English, Hyunjins tired mind could not be bothered to grasp continued.

Han moved to sit up, frowning.

“Hey, stop fighting you`ll wake the others. Felix, you go with Channie. I`ll go with Jinnie. Unless you want to go with him, but I doubt it. Chan is fluent in Korean and English. He is better suited to help you since you are not up there in medical terms in Korean. This argument is pointless. Those cu…injuries need to be checked.”

A serious Han is a scary Han.

Felix muttered something before storming off.

Chan turned to Han,” Thanks, I’m sorry.”

“Channie, I know ok. I`ll get worse before getting better. Might as well rip the band-aid off.”

“Hannie, No. Don’t think that. Don’t force yourself.”

“Ah, but if I don’t how else will this nightmare be over?”

“It’ll be ok, Channie.” Han continued.” I will take care of Jinnie and you can help Felix.”

"Oh, hey Jinnie you probably feel weird being in the hospital for so long. How about a bath? We will help you get in and then you can choose whom to help with the rest.", Han explained.

Ah, a dilemma. Whom did he trust more? Bang Chan or Han Jisung? Not the worst dilemma considering right before he couldn’t figure out whom he loved more Chan or Han. He'd rather he be with both, but he didn't deserve either one. What was he thinking?

Han was sweet and caring and so was Chan, but he was maybe more careful, and he had not spent much alone time with him but oh was this embarrassing. It was not like none of them hadn’t seen each other naked at one point or the other.

He forgot, for a moment, that you could see his ribs now. It hadn't progressed far enough to be life-threatening but still, it had begun to affect him.

He figured if he didn't allow them, they and the others would wonder, and the more who would know his secret would happen.

This sucks.

“Chan, I think he is panicking”.

A hand was placed on his shoulder.

“Hey now, relax. I`ll help you there in the shower. Hannie can wash your hair. A shower is easier than a bath for you right now.,” Chan explained.

“Yeah! Revenge!”

A small chuckle left Hyunjin's throat, surprising everyone. He felt his throat in astonishment.

“That is a nice step.” Both Chan and Han said laughing at how they both said it at the same time.

“I wonder…you do realize you do make sounds still?", Chan explained.

Hyunjin merely looked confused.

"Maybe all that medicine he was on made him loopy and not aware of things," Han explained.

“Well, it is not like we are always aware of the sounds we make anyway. It’s good though. The laughing. Closer to wellness.” Chan mused, out loud.

“Hannie! Don’t tickle him.”, Chan said at a distressed yelp

“Ok! Ok!”, Han said,” Let’s get him up. I`ll carry him this time.”

The shuffle to the bathroom would have been comical if anyone else was up.

Hyunjin stared up at the bathroom ceiling as the two clamored around him.

"Ok, lean back please," Han asked.

Somehow Hyunjin found this to be the most relaxing thing despite his head being in an awkward position.

“Keep your eyes closed. Don’t want to blind you,” Han interjected through the calm.

“Can you handle this alone for a few minutes, Hannie? I`m going to go speak to Felix before he goes to sleep.

“Of course!”

The water was just the right temperature. Bless Han Jisung.

“Why do you have to look so good even with your hair looking like a wet mop?” Han grumbled.

Hyunjin could feel a smile on his lips as Han's fingers pulled through his hair.

“Oh, you know I had an idea. You`ll probably be able to sing before talking properly. Maybe humming first is easier. That way if it is a mental block stopping you, you can ease back into the swing of things.

Hyunjin opened his eyes with a curious look.

“Hey! Close your eyes. I`m just thinking whatever is preventing you from talking involves you know talking not singing. You seemed happier singing before anyway.”

He bopped Hyunjin on the nose. Hyunjin closed his eyes and his hair was finished.

Han leaned backed and studied Hyunjin.

“Ya know, we never did have our talk together with Chan. Then everything happened. I still feel the same way.”

“You can sit up now, I`m done.”

Han tapped Hyunjin's nose.

“You can open your eyes now.”

Han wrapped a towel around his head. He moved his chair to face Hyunjin better.

Hyunjin was staring at Hans's face with a searching sleepy expression.

Han held his hand and his fingers on the other. He stared into Hyunjins eyes. The milky black starry abyss stole Hans's heart even more as he lost himself in them.

Hyunjin stared back into the chocolate orbs and smiled.

“Can I hug you, Jinnie?”, Han asked, eyes misting over.

Hyunjin raised his arm and reached out for Han with concern marring his face.

Han moved and placed himself sideways in Hyunjin’s lap being mindful of the broken leg. He nestled his head on the side of Hyunjin's neck wrapping his arms around him, one arm on his and the other around the opposite shoulder. Hyunjin reciprocated this by placing his good arm around Hans back holding him in place.

Hyunjin could feel wetness spreading across his neck as sobs wrecked Hans's body, tightening his grip on Hyunjin as they coursed through him.

Luckily, they weren’t heard as his shoulder muffled him somewhat well.

“I’m sorry, Jinnie. I shouldn’t be taking advantage of you.”

A hard yank of his hair caused Han to give out a yelp.

Hyunjin shook his head no in disagreement.

“But Jinnie.”

Another shake.

Sobs erupted again shaking him.

"I`m sorry. I'm just scared. I've been scared for a while now but I’ve slipped hard. Chan’s mad. Felix and you nearly died. One of us already did. I nearly lost you. I know I need help but it is so hard.

Hyunjin rubbed Hans back in a comforting motion.

The sobs died down and Han pulled away, still sitting in Hyunjins lap but now he held his hands again.

“Can we pretend we had that talk?”, Han said looking up.

Hyunjin nodded.

Han smiled and reached out and held Hyunjins face before pulling his face forward and taking Hyunjins lips against his own.

Hyunjin kissed back deepening the kiss, sucking and biting and small moans escaped them.

They stayed like that for a while till the sound of a door startled them.

“Han are you done…Oh, I see.”

Chan observed the scene.

“Han, you`ll hurt him if you sit there for long.”

“Right, sorry. His hair is done. I`ll be in the bedroom. Changbin said it’s fine. Call me if you need help. By the way, Channie we agreed to what we wanted to discuss before.”

Han left in a flurry.

Chan helped him out of his clothes while keeping his shorts on.

“You didn’t want him to see your body, right?”

Hyunjin looked away.

“It’s ok, Jinnie.

Chan maneuvered a chair into the shower and helped him in.

And so the awkward shower began.

"So, you and Han?", Chan's face failed to mask the sorrow behind the voice.

Hyunjin shook his head wildly, almost falling off.

“Easy there”. Chan steadied him.

Hyunjin reached out and held Chan's hand kissing it before placing it over his heart. He made sure that Chan was watching before placing their joined hands over Chan's heart. Then another kiss before placing their hands in the direction of where Han would be. He hoped his message was understood.

"I…I`m sorry, Jinnie. I know what you're trying to say and I feel the same but I don't think I can commit the way you two want, need and deserve. At least not right now.

That was fair.

He didn’t expect Chan to start crying.

Damn. That isn't what he expected. He moved his hand away and brought Chan's head up to look at him. He wiped away the tears.

"Ah, let's get you out of there." Chan sniffled.

They made their way back to the bedroom with Hyunjin cradled in Chan's arms. Han was curled up on one side of Chan's bed.

“Do you want to sleep with him or Changbins bed?”

Hyunjin pointed towards Han and Chan laid him down gently. Chan tried to leave but was stopped by Hyunjin pulling him back down.

Chan didn’t even try to fight him and Chan pulled the covers over the three of them and snuggled with his favorite boys.

Sleep came easy for them despite the uneasiness permeating the entire dorm.

Maybe things would get better.

They had to.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, It has been a while but shortly after I started writing Chapter 2 the stuff about Woojin came out so I really had to rethink what was originally planned. Originally, there were two villains in the story but now there is only one. He will still appear at some point but he was never a good guy in the original and will be a flashback which was planned anyway. Jisung spoils it a bit as he is indeed already dead and causing the group problems. (just like he did in real life). I hope people that do like this will continue reading knowing this. Whenever that comes up and it will be a long while with how slow I am to type, warnings will be established at that point. The whole idea to start before the drama happened was that I was sick of stays acting like the group was broken or that him leaving was the worst when it actually was for the better and they are all happier and it seemed like fake fans to suddenly not like a group because a member left. (I can only imagine what will happen when Jin leaves BTS because of the military) So, I started a story where I could practice writing with real people (characters based on real people anyway) So, I killed him in the story(albeit it did start out less violent) to vent out my frustrations with the fandom while also having the kind of fanfic about HyunChan and Hyunchansung that I would love reading myself. Changing the name wouldn't work here since as you can see in real life he affected them greatly and no one else that I am aware of had that kind of impact on the group so it was also a story of recovery from trauma for the members. I hope people can understand this. The ending is happy and something I think that if people stick with it will bring comfort. Anyway, such a long note. I hope someone at least enjoyed this hot mess of a story. Seeing Kudos being given gave me the drive to finish the chapter and post it after all this time. I tend to write in notebooks first and then have to type up the story so it takes time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, This will be my first published fanfic. Also, my first story I was willing to put out so constructive criticism is craved as I`m not the best writer. Not in healthcare or entertainment business so many liberties here and there.


End file.
